Thursday, May 7, 2009
what am i good at.

im sad. depressed. disappointed.

the moment i entered the exam hall, my mind was as blank as my mind it was.

it felt like all the micro stuff, equations, terminologies, models, were vacuumed from my mind.

The strategy of sleeping late and waking up at 6 to study was clearly not working. And the slices of bread that i forced myself to eat were not doing their job coz i was vr hungry.

The lecturer was dedicated, walking ard to attend to all the last minutes enquiries. But my stomach felt weird. The hunger that turned into nausea.

When i was reading the question, i knew it was over.

I couldnt write a single thing at all. I noe wat was it abt. I noe. But instead of writing, i was banging the table lightly, grabbing my jacket, tears in my eyes.

The only thing that i could do was forcing myself to take deep breaths and try to write.
Try to squeeze out as much words as i can.

1 hour had passed. The last 30/50 marks, i gave up. i gave up. coz the nausea was so bad that i thought i was gg to throw up in the exam hall.

The moment we r allowed to leave, i fled.

I was lost. I didn noe wats gg on. I started to hate myself.

he was not available that time. So i juz sat down there, staring into space for 1 and a half hour.

1 thing is for sure after this exam, im not gg to do honours.

but this had made me feel worse.

i dunno how shud i proceed from here. i feel like im still a kid. im not an adult.

after a few hours of slacking and more slacking,
i had felt much better.

and i suddenly realised, i had a panic attack in the morning. lol. im not vr sure of wat it was. maybe it was an excuse that my brain wanted me to believe, so that i wont feel so bad abt the poor performance.

it's holiday now and im happy. but at the same time, im sad.

and depressed.

and disappointed.

:+: Styled by :+: Jac Loo Loo 9:19 PM

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